It’s not because I won’t be writing on the topic for awhile, that I’m “going to sleep”…
In red: the logo for TEPCO, the Tokyo Electric Power Company, which caused the ongoing far-from-being-under-control Fukushima nuclear catastrophe. By now Fukushima has released more than 20,000 times the Strontium-90 fallout equivalent of the Nagasaki atom bomb. Click image for details.
‘AMRITA‘, Acrylic on Canvas, by © Michaël Van Broekhoven, 2013 – All Rights Reserved. Click image for painting’s own blog post.
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
(Colorado high mountains)
Friday April 17, 2015 – Crestone, Colorado (USA) —
The weather forecast was spot-on, flickering lights and all. Crestone got over 2 inches of refreshing spring snow! :-D ! Awesome. All the dust is down, for now, and more snow higher up is always good for the summer water situation. I love winter weather way more than the dusty windy season. (May is often nice, then comes ‘mosquito season’ and mid-July it turns nicer again, too.) Anyways, this snow is a very welcome reprieve from the dusty winds.
One of the errands in Salida yesterday was picking up my camera. I had apparently forgotten that I had plugged in in some outlet somewhere and left without it. I had been wondering where it was. I was stoked to get a phone call that it had been found in Salida. (The couple photos in yesterday’s blog post were on it.)
These photos below are from my drive back (Salida to Crestone) and this morning in Crestone.
Traffic lights, like asphalted roads, power lines, cell phone reception, escalators, etc. is an ‘indicator species‘ of the encroachement of the Technosphere. The tiny town of Poncha Springs, in the Arkansas River watershed just over Poncha Pass (elevation 9,010 ft. / 2,745 m), has the nearest traffic light to the north, 52 miles from Crestone:
An indicator specie of the technosphere…
Asphalt, an other indicator species of the technosphere…
Near Poncha Pass. More snow on the way, but much of Thursday’s snow had already melted on the south side of Poncha Pass by Friday afternoon: Awesome cloud dynamics over the northern Sangre de Cristo mountains: Approaching Crestone: I love how beautiful it is here…
Feeling better already. And, to top, a friend offered me a spare room in her house for the next few days. :-) ! On the upswing…
Before I went to sleep, I had a quick peek at my email, read and approved all comments on the other day’s blog post, Just Another Spring Day, Staring into Space…,
Then I swung by (nuclear news aggregator) ENEnews.com, where I noticed a surprising large number and véry kind comments on my announcement to go for the so-many’th attempt to quit blogging about nuclear stuff:
Much appreciated. Stock’s comment lead me to listen to Pink Floyd… Thanks, man. ;-)
“... Did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts? Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze? Cold comfort for change? Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? …“
Trees, cool breezes, yes. Lead role in a cage, not so much. ;-) Yes: It’s intended to be a break, but I’m leaving it open. I don’t actually know what’s next…
Actually: I do know this much:
A home base, that’s what’s next.
After years of fairly aimlessly wandering (and often feeling rather lost along the way), my sense is that I would be able to take my current meditative and investigative journey much further within a structured format (including a literal structure, aka a small house), and that this might be 1) much more sustainable for myself, especially psychologically and financially in the long run, and 2) more helpful for others, too. Bottom line is that homelessness has utterly exhausted me psychologically. I aim to turn my life around.
When I actually live some PLACE, my gut feeling is that I would be able to get a lot more done, including holding a job (really hard when you can’t go home afterwards, shower and relax…), start and finish more PAINTINGS perhaps, and – who knows – maybe even have better blog posts. To get from ‘here’ to ‘there’, however, demands of me that I put researching and blogging on hold, to free up the (bordering on surreal) amount of time I spent online, so as to overcome the challenges at hand in a timely fashion. Six months till winter starts back up!
Some deep beckoning has often called me back to the weird intense energy vortex of this very unique alpine region by Crestone, Colorado… for more deep inner work.
Here’s an article about this place from The New York Times, (Jan. 11, 2008): “For Many a Follower, Sacred Ground in Colorado.” For what it’s worth… ) ;-)
Energetically there’s some overlap with the Ancient Redwood Forest, which I spent a lot of time in as well, in the sense that it is not that comfortable of a place to hang out in for more than a few weeks. (especially when sleepin inside hollow 2,000 year old trees.) One is rather quickly tempted to resort to coping tools here, from distracting oneself through busy-ness, or “checking out” through spinning out mentally, or resorting to mind-altering substances that take the edge off, like alcohol or, far more effective to that end and increasingly popular, marijuana (which is legal in Colorado).
(After exploring my mind with or without pot, I swore off that comfort-inducing coping method in 2013 and haven’t touched it since. I’m very glad people don’t end up in jails for merely liking a certain plant, but I wish people would use it medicinally only, not “recreationally”. (For what I háve found helpful on my own path, which -of course – does not per se apply to you -, see my blog post (Apr. 13, 2013), “Couple Notes on my Healing Journey in and out of PTSS / Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome“)
Why going silent now?
Besides needing the time to majorly shift my life around, there’s another aspect that continues to impact me: The intense spiritual energies in this region were also a major part of my journey to Japan at the end of 2013… (
Energy-cleansing Silver Sage smoke from high up in Northern Utah at the start of what turned out to become a most disorienting psychotropic-medicine-assisted shamanic session… On the far left is the Yotsukara Port, Fukushima Prefecture, Japan (Nov 13, 2013)
… Some experiences I had on that Japan trip are very much with me and continue to ask of me to remain fluidly on journey with it all: being present to what arises. And that includes listening to gut feelings.
Regarding gut feelings: this winter, for instance, I often felt that it would be best, that “Life requested of me” to spent hours and hours documenting radiation upticks, news snippets and oddly fitting rumors related to what was almost-certainly a cover-up of a large release of radioisotopes from Zaporizhia NPP in the Ukraine; or investigate the highly unusual massive radiation upticks across Europe that appeared to trace back all the way to Fukushima, Japan. Not to mention the disturbing amount of data omissions in various data sets. And so forth. It’s felt right to spent my time with all that. Now the feeling is to step back entirely.
I feel I am still a complete amateur with almost no formal training (a high school degree, does that count?), ;-) but I’ve learned some basic things along my path to better understand this issue. This blog grew out of an attempt to share what I’m learning.
Of the more important findings (imo), I’ve done my best to explain how lack of knowledge about different types of doses is used to deceive, as well as how the standard comparison of radioactive fallout, such as of Cesium-137, to the radiation found in potassium-rich foods (with its inherent Potassium-40), like kelp or bananas, falls apart upon deeper investigation. And that’s just super basic. I stand by these blog posts.
Related to those intense energies that “urged me to go to Japan”, there’s a vast realm of interest and experience about which I have not said much: the “shamanic dimensions” (by lack of better terminology) of the nuclear industry. Mentioned something here, some more here, left some bread crumbs about non-linear time and such there, mentioned something about water here, and shortly after my visit (in Orwellian Japan 2013) pretty much felt -good intentions and vision aside- like I failed…, but on numerous occasions I stated that I intend to blog much more about all that when ready. And I admit to myself now: I no longer expect that to be any time soon. The energies encountered where extremely intense. I’m only at the very beginning of this inquiry.
“We can not solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them”
― Albert Einstein
I’ve barely been able to even express myself visually / artistically about it… (The two below paintings of mine, ‘Prayers for Fukushima’ (2014) and ‘The Call to End the Nuclear Era’ (2014) were attempts to reflect upon some of the experiences… Click on them for additional information.) Although for the most part, I still draw a blank (I still don’t quite know how to talk about it), I suppose I can say some superficial things, though…
PRAYERS FOR FUKUSHIMA
Painting by © Michaël Van Broekhoven, 2014 – All Rights Reserved. 20″ x 20″ (50.8 cm x 50.8 cm), acrylic on canvas. CLICK IMAGE for its own blog post.
My “ceremonies” / “shamanic explorations” in Hiroshima, Nagasaki and Kyoto that beautiful autumn had nothing directly to do with what’s going down in Fukushima, but everything with things I saw, “revelations” if you will, the visions and insights I received while on Ayahuasca, in South America and during prayer ceremonies elsewhere in North America.
I’m acutely aware that mixing various aspects of Tibetan Buddhism, elements of Japanese Shinto, Amazonian entheogenic traditions as well as modern era neo-shamanic energy medicine, is frowned upon by many. “Suffer Your Interpretation” is really all I can say to that at this point. Extraordinary circumstances sometimes ask for highly unusual and dangerously experimental approaches. (Note: I do not regret it, but unless called to the point of irresistibility within a sacred lineage context (and even then…), I would strongly advice against doing something similar by yourself.)
Anyhow… Related to certain archetypal dynamics I found active within modern society, the momentum of this energetic situation will lead to full-scale nuclear war, or at minimum the fallout-equivalent, if not pacified. There is time, but it COULD end badly, regardless of popular make-belief otherwise. I have little hope in politics. As I see it now, foremost, it must be shifted at the energetic (See also Four Levels of Perception), towards which every human being can positively contribute through spiritual practices that open the heart. Political changes, engineering challenges, etc. can not be avoided, of course, but my sense is that without the deep inner work, the rest would end up being faulty patchwork, and very temporary at best.
The despicable and beyond-uninspiring heartbreaking barbaric disrespect for human beings, and life in general, as – to pick something else – also exemplified in the Middle East’s recent spates of beheadings and other expressions of extreme psychopathic behavior, appear to be manifestations of the same heartlessness that is destroying the rainforests and building more nukes. The lack of relating to the living web of life cannot be positively & fundamentally shifted by throwing bombs at the deranged, filing law suits, chanting angry slogans, or even elaborate academic analysis of what’s going on. This (not this approach, not that approach) “process of elimination” leaves many caring activists with an unbearable sense of hopelessness. Sadly, some blow their heads off. Few people are willing to dig for these sorts of facts, ’cause when you do, all too often you’ll find rather troubling things.
Prefectural statistics, for instance, very clearly suggest that exposure to TEPCO’s radioactive fallout may be causing far more deaths than is publicly acknowledged in Japan and elsewhere. (“cointrollpro” agents, and so on. Screenshots of bits and pieces still give clues for where to find it…); Sometimes my own blog is somehow mysteriously (I don’t know how it’s done) made less accessible. In some countries people get ERROR messages, or a blank white screen, or in the creepier cases they get to see, ‘ACCESS DENIED‘. Stuff like that. These are clues that damning information is being actively suppressed.
Maybe my efforts have been more helpful than I realize. I’m open to that possibility.
The nuclear topic is dark and heavy, its history disturbing, the technicalities over-my-head complex, the pictures of consequences often gruesome. Many people don’t even want to know about it. I could keep doing what I’ve been doing, and hope that it makes a difference, but it doesn’t cut it anymore. Something else is needed. I don’t actually really know what it is.
!-> For more insights into the Buddhist symbology used in this painting, “THE CALL TO END THE NUCLEAR ERA” 40″ x 30″ (101.6 cm x 76.2 cm), acrylic on canvas. Painting by © Michaël Van Broekhoven, 2014 – All Rights Reserved, click the image for its separate blog post.
To return to the thread I began above at the ‘Prayers for Fukusshima’ painting, the “ceremony” / “shamanic exploration” on the beach in Fukushima included a very deliberate conscious intention to call in “the energy of the disaster”, so to speak… to make a direct connection with “the consciousness of the hot molten radioactive masses in the ground”. There is something very strange about nuclear fission technology in the way that they are apparently not quite accessible from a distance (in shamanic work pretty much everything can be done from a distance, as time and space do not work the same in other realms). So getting as close as I felt comfortable to was part of why I went to the Fukushima region. My aim was to use shamanic tools to directly, experientially, “MEET the very energy of the disaster.” What happened to me next… was extremely weird… If anything, it reminds me most of one of the initiations into Vajrayana Buddhism. It’s going to take a lot more meditation retreats, as well as detoxing my mind and body to even be able to talk about that. And at this point I doubt that it would even be helpful to try to explain it. At least not in a public blog context.
In any case, and maybe I already told this story…, I got so freaked out I left Iwaki (on the Fukushima coast) the same day, went all the way to Kyoto… totally disoriented, I could not function enough to get a hostel or hotel room. I slept under some stairs like a homeless in the streets of Kyoto that following night. (Then there was a 3 week period my blog was gone. Following subtle signals, I turned all my electronic engagements off as part of becoming “electronically untraceable.”)
Anyways… Very interesting and joyful coincidences occurred in the following weeks. I visited Nagano, a hot springs town, Nara, Kyoto again, a place near Mount Fuji,… Key parts I won’t talk about, out of respect for some other people that played a role in it.
Another part that grew out of experiences of the past few years is that part of my reasons to try “to shut up” (this blog post already being a rather ironic lengthy exception…) is my intention is to energetically “seal the leaks”, which includes refraining from needless speech. Only speaking for myself at this juncture: I can’t go deeper without taking that requirement seriously.
Scheduling in a period of time for being deliberately much more silent and introspective has been helpful in my past in and of itself. But it also tends to help in better sensing what actually NEEDS to be said. There’s a lot of chatter out there that is absolutely not helpful. Saying what absolutely must be said and saying it in such a way that it can actually be heard is an incredible skill that I would like to further develop.
Another part of my impasse is the knowledge that the most fundamental dynamics that give rise to the apparent psychopathology afflicting politicians and industrialists to the point they endorse warfare and short-term profiteering at the expense of other beings and future quality of life…, that those most fundamental dynamics are universal at their core and as such are present within me as well. Take, for example, the various processes of conceptualization (abstraction, belief, reductionism,…), which always deprive our direct experiential understanding of reality-inherent infinitely complex dynamic relationships. Actual living reality always fails to conform to the limitations of concept or mere belief. If I cannot undo them within myself, it would be arrogant and absurd to demand that of others, who might be even more afflicted.
There is ultimately no “them”. We’re all in this together. Demonizing “the mentally ill” has never made anyone more sane. Think about that. We must come up with more compassionate and sophisticated ways for responding, ’cause industry insiders continue to lie, more of these monstrosities are under construction, denial remains rampant… The antagonistic approach of conventional activism, media-catchy banner hangs, information warfare and all, is simply is not working.
That’s just my opinion. Didn’t mean to rant this much…
Anyways, in case there was any misunderstanding: I’m not giving up. To the contrary.
I take a break from blogging about nuclear stuff because I take this aspect of our planetary situation so much more seriously than I can currently put into words.
This is simply how I feel: If I want to have even a remote shot at being helpful in skillfully responding to this mess I need a sanctuary home base to practice in and work from. I suppose my house-less situation has run its course… (And if inner work leads me to an entirely different calling, so be it. I’m leaving it open how I will fill it in.)
The journey continues…
I’ll share again if I feel so inspired again.
Hasta la Vista.
- Lovely to wake up to a winter-wonderland this morning…
Click for ‘Om Mani Padme Hum’ blog post)
MAY ALL DISCORD BE PACIFIED
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
If you are viewing this page on any website other than allegedlyapparent.wordpress.com/ it may be plagiarized. Please let me know. All content is copyright © Michaël Van Broekhoven, administrator of the Allegedly Apparent Blog. Content cited, quoted etc. from other sources is under the respective rights of that content owner. For more details, see my Disclaimer, Share Policy and Fair Use Notice. If you wish to reproduce any of my content in full or in more than a paragraph or quote, please contact me first to (maybe not) obtain permission.
Posted on Saturday April 18, 2015; some small edits since.]